You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
