bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
