he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
