I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
