ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
