Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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