Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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