My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
