her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
