i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
