totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
