she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
