i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
