wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
