Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
