I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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