just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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