??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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