I hate your face
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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