That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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