just come out here and I will go home with you...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
