I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
