She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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