My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
