she sounds like chewbacca in bed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
