after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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