I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
40s are totally the cure
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
