i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
