Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize