Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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