i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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