Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
