i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he thought i was a dude.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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