Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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