6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
