Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
