The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
