to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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