Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
