I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize