he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
