I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
