I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize