To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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