She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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