Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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