she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
