is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
