when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize