Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
