I didn't shave. On purpose
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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