windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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