3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
