Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
