i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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