Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
