All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
