??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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