why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
