so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
