i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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