i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
