it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
