Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize