Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
