I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
