I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
