I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
