They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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