I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
