The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
