wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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