I CAN MOONWALK!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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