there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
