yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
