Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My feet surprised me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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