im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
