respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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