Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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