wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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