"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize