and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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