oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
