i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
