Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize