I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
