I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
