I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
