my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
