I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
