I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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