Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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