I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
