i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
