remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
