I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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