I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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