is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
