1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
