Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
