When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
