Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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